Never ending amazement!!!

[Steven]

As you may know I have suffered with drug addiction for many years, my latest relapse the most ferocious and self destructive with a dangerous inability to stop, even when I had taken too much already. I knew and had faith that I would be OK but also knew I was running out of time.

Night before last I was planning the next day and knowing I had money coming, the switch I can never switch off flipped and planned what drugs I was going to take. I wrestled with myself trying to talk myself out of my plans but as usual it was no good. So I tried something else. I simply accepted the fact that I would not be able to stop myself as I am powerless over the addiction. It always controls the addict. I thought I would allow myself to do it one last time, a dangerous and risky thought as it has always been, "Oh just once more." I planned that before I took the pills next day I would try a little experiment, although I felt doubt it would work as I had failed so many times before.

So the next day (yesterday) I brought my pills. I felt weak and frustrated with myself. I didn't want it any more. I got home and put my plan into action.

I placed my pills on my alter and lit a candle. I said prayer and infused into the capsule the intent and request to bring me realisation, insight and re-connection to the Divine, and that I cared not if the experience was good or bad. I just wanted to be free however it would happen. I felt doubt that it would work, but energetically cleansed the doubt so it wouldn't affect the result. And I swallowed the pills.

Sometime later after feeling a good buzz on them I started to feel really quite awful. My faced was aching from grinding my jaw and I became simply completely wired and strained in my brain. After this feeling got more and more horrible to feel something within me clicked. I have been saying for a while I was getting tired of getting of my face, but now I had really had enough. I couldn't do it anymore. Drugs had consumed my world for too long. I lost years to the adverse psycholoical effect they had on me. They had brought me little pleasure but so much turmoil.

I realised that the intentions I set and the prayers I had spoken were being answered and then... I just went into orbit. I felt all desire to take drugs leave me and I knew at that point I had become free. I looked back over the whole of my life and it suddenly all made sense and that it had all happened perfectly, just as it needed to to get me to this one single point in time that only I would ever experience and that would never be repeated. Even my darkest demon, that fuelled my self destruct stopped being ugly, and I could see potential within it. I certainly wasn't scared of it anymore. I was still "me" including the psychological and emotional scars I have collected over the years, but the pain was gone. I had been replaced with bliss and a connection to the divine within that I have rarely seen. And I knew that a very long and dark reality which I inhabited even in my earliest memory had ended.

A new life has begun for me. I still have my issues and scars, but I feel somehow lighter and better able to deal with them. It is just astounding how in a split second things can change in ways that are unimaginable and miraculous. The Divine is definatly at work in the world and within each of us.

My almost continuous prayers I started saying nearly 16 years ago that I would get through it have been answered, in a beautiful and astounding way.